My older cousins think I’m a nutjob like my gay uncle who’s an accomplished actuary but dreams so badly to be a musician that he has risked so much for it. I mean either they think I’m too ugly or too nerdy or too gay to be a rock star and they don’t even know 4chan. I hate obligatory parties. Fucking stereotypes. I don’t even talk sports unless it’s manga like Slam Dunk. It’s hard for me to say that I want to be an artist to people like them. But I love them still the same. I just hate how they think that I’m not interested with them just because I never ask questions, and that just because I’m unnaturally quiet that I’m some fucking snob. Normal life my ass.
BTW, what do you call people who can make a whole auditorium of strangers laugh just by heckling from the audience? I’m too shy for that… on the stage with a mic, yes, but it’s a different and dangerous kind of humor altogether that only very talented people can pull off. When I want to say something funny I only blurt it out to an acquaintance sitting next to me… my bestfriend would always shout my shy, silent wisecracks to the world.
“I could never tell myself nor anyone that I am ugly for I never wanted to hurt anyone uglier than me… I don’t want them to feel how I feel when someone else does that to me… I don’t want to imagine how worse it would feel…”
I hate my ego. My long hair is getting more and more conspicuous especially when I’m outshining other girls in a room where boys talk about basketball. I hate my virginity and vow of monogamy. Do I think I’m that special that other people don’t deserve a piece of me? Of course that’s not the point but exposure to normal people make you doubt yourself.
Right now I’m not even sure of myself anymore… I am certain, however, that someone else with more or less the same problems reading this should find relief in affirmation.
(Source: jpeoplemagazine)
